on the remote island of kauai i was introduced to myself. i lived on a majestic piece of land so close to the water I could hear the ocean waves at night, they whispered me to sleep. the land was vast, i could see so many stars, watch the movement of the planets through their cycles. i read women who run with the wolves and began tending to my wild nature. i asked myself questions, i bumped up against struggles in relationships, with food, with authority, with my life work, with what my soul wanted to be and what i had already been cultivating in my modern life.
this morning after a beautifully insane ingress of uranus into taurus i had no cell service. i woke up to myself, in my apartment, in silence. i picked up woman who run with the wolves and for the first time, in a long time, i read from the beginning. there is so much wisdom for me. in the introduction alone i seek refuge. a reminder of soul tending. i headed out to the forest and asked myself, where in the chart is the soul seated. what planet, what house should i give offerings in order to unfold my soul path? and is there an entry point for all humans, is there one planet that has the answers? my true conclusion is: the whole thing, i have to look to the whole chart in order to know my soul.
maybe its because it is mercury’s day but that planet kept coming to mind, even after i came to the more complex conclusion of looking to the entire chart.. so i went with it. i remembered mercury rules the arms.
i moved my arms.
i noticed something. before i moved my arms, every time, i raised my shoulders. this then reminded me of a observation a teacher of mine from the kauaian farm told me “every time you move you do not have to raise your shoulders”. other people in the room laughed, i felt insecure and put on the spot but i took the advice and kept it in my back pocket. it was important especially now, at least 1 year later.
i consciously started to raise my arms, without raising my shoulders.
pain.
raising my shoulders and been a defense mechanism against the pain of moving my arms. my intuitive understanding is that mars is the head and the muscles connecting the arms and the head would be the muscles that raise the shoulders. it made me think that instead of actually communicating through my mercury which, i believe would be ideal, i relegated the task of communication to mars. which would explain my oftentimes combative communication. this also explains my behavior in regards to not feeling like i can trust my communication skills.
so i attempted to clear the channels that are my arms. i moved them without raising my shoulders. i felt so much tension and so much restriction. and they did not clear immediately and as i type this are still not clear. a lifetime of overcompensation and a decade of massage work have blocked things up.
mercury, the planet closest to the sun, the planet that channels divine energy into our nervous systems, allowing us to communicate and think, is the OG storyteller. It gives us the ability to speak and thus tell our story. where its at in my chart is unfolding. i’m realizing everything i used to talk about was work and how to be a better massage therapist and how to network with people and how to build a bodywork empire with people (mars in capricorn). i have mercury in scorpio in the 3rd house.i want to communicate about deep things, about life about passion about desire about the cosmos about how the cosmos are affecting us. i want to talk about the last time i cried and why, i want to talk about a piece of poetry that made me feel something. i was to explore the mysteries of life. oftentimes that becomes overwhelming for people and they become watered down by my scorpio-ness so i automatically go into mars mode raise my shoulders and trudge along through.
i don’t want to do that.
i want to open up my communication channels.
in the introduction to woman who run with the wolves i was struck by the following quote:
“the comprehension of this Wild Woman nature is not a religion but a practice.it is a psychology in it’s truest sense: psukhe/psych, soul; ology or logos, a knowing of the soul. without her woman are without ears to hear her soul talk or to register the chiming of their own rhythms. without her woman’s inner eyes are closed by some shadowy hand, and large parts of their days are spent in a semi-paralyzing ennui or else wishful thinking. without her woman use the sureness of their soulfooting. without her they forget why they are here, they hold on when they would best hold out. without her they take too much, or too little, or nothing at all. without her they are silent when in fact they are on fire”
dr. clarissa pinkola estes, woman who run with the wolves
without her they are silent when in fact they are on fire…
may the unblocking of my arms lead to a greater connection with mercury and thus to speak my fire in such a way that sparks yours…
somatically minded 